"D
id you meet with a narrow escape?" we asked of Uncle John
Shafer, as a lot of us were seated around a bright fire after
a good sermon, and later, a good dinner.
"Well, I did that, and no mistake. No, it was hardly an
escape, either; I didn't fully escape; but as I got away alive
I guess you would call it an 'escape.' I refer to the time the
mule kicked me. A mule is the most dangerous piece of
ordinance which the government employed. It is always loaded.
And another thing; they are liable to go off at any time, and
are apt to do terrible ________. The only time that I ever
heard of a mule taking a contract too big for him, was when he
moved forward -- not backward. A mule is like a skunk; it
always advances backward. Well, this mule -- not the one I
escaped from -- was grazing in close proximity to a lot of
beehives. One of the little bees went out to invite him to get
out of their yard. The mule paid no attention but kept on
gathering flowers. The bee finally got down upon him in order
to persuade him to go away. This caused Sir mule to pause in
the midst of his meal, and consider what to do. He concluded
that he would not simply submit to such insolence on the part
of a fly. Accordingly, he backed up to the hive, folded his
wings back on his back and opened out. The hive went end over
end. This seemed to excite the inmates -- they came out en
masse to take a part in the picnic. For awhile the unequal
contest went on, but soon the mule began a retreat.
"This is not my ____. The way this occurred was this: I was
detailed to drive a wagon. Jack Warren was our wagon master.
Sam Lemly, a fellow teamster, lost a mule. This left the
wagon-master precisely in reverse circumstances to the R.R.
conductor who reported 'one bureau short and one jackass left
over'. Our boss was one mule short. In order to get out of the
scrape, it was proposed to steal another one. That plan was
adopted. A young and very wild mule was brought in; but who
was to work him? Finally some one proposed 'to give it to
Shafer; he would work it.' The boys said, 'All right, John,
you take that mule and work it.' I didn't want to refuse and
besides I had a very gentle mule to work it by.
Barney Boalmost offered to help me out of it: said he would
hang it. Had helped one or two teamsters out of a scrape that
way, and he knew it would work. Of course, |
I didn't take kindly to that pro- position, so we began
to harness it up. Three or four of us managed to get a halter
on it; then while they held it from flying, I adopted
conciliatory measures with it.
I went up in front of it, calling it pet names, and put my arm
about its neck and commenced patting it and rubbing its
shoulders, working my way down to its fore legs, still keeping
well to the front. While I was stooped down rubbing its fore
leg, it doubled up in some manner and planted its hind foot
square in my forehead. There is the scar. I settled down like
a shot beef, but soon recollected that it was likely to hit me
again, I rolled out of its reach. As soon as I felt that I
could stand, I got up; and the first thing I saw was a jockey
stick. I seized that and, before I thought, brought it
overhanded along the side of the head and knocked an eye out.
I have always felt bad about that. The only thing I have to
regret about it is that rash batty act.
"I had another escape. The next day, the Quartermaster, L.
Beaman, and the wagon-master were riding along. As they passed
me the wagon master said" 'John, what's the matter with that
mule's eye?' I said 'he got it hurt'; which was the truth.
'How?' Now it was necessary to tell some more truth. I said,
'it kicked me yesterday and I struck it before I thought. I am
afraid its eye is out.' IN fact I was pretty sure it was. He
said, 'You had better be careful; the Colonel will tend to
you.' The Colonel never said anything to me about it, so I
escaped the second peril.
"Along in the afternoon, the Quarter master and our wagon-boss
passed my wagon area. Beaman said: 'Jack, did you know that
all the Methodists would steal?" 'Yes,' said Warren. 'My wife
is a Methodist. I learned not to trust them long ago.' I
didn't understand this, but thought it better to look back and
see what was in my wagon. I saw nothing contraband and so
drove on. Still their conversation troubled me. There was a
bale of hay near the hind end of the wagon bed, which hid the
region of the tail gate. After they had rode past, I
dismounted and went back to make a more thorough search, and
there just behind the bale of hay, was a very fine, large hog,
which some of the boys had killed and taken the entrails out,
and put in my wagon without my knowing it. I might add that
some one took it out, too, after the same manner."
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